After all of the account verification details for Internet support from the local cable company …
Support: OK. Now that all of that is out of the way, how can I help you, today?
Me: I’m here with XYZ, our mutual client. Their internet is down. That means they have no access to their e-mail or anything online and their VoIP phones are also offline.
Support: Oh. Your phones are down? Let me get you to that department, please hold!
Me to my customer: Evidently ‘phone’ is a trigger word for that person.
Customer: Try internet with the next person to get back to the correct group, maybe?
Me to my customer: That’s nicer than any plan I have in mind.
Several minutes later, a new tech picks up the line.
Phone Support: Thank you for calling C***** Phone Support. This is Marty. May I have your account number, please?
Me: I already verified with internet support. I’m a service provider on a business customer site who has lost internet access.
Phone Support: Oh, I’m sorry. This is residential customer phone support. Let me get you to business support. Please hold and thank you for calling C******!
Terrible hold music for just a minute or so when the line is picked up.
“Thank you for calling C****** Business Support. Unfortunately, our office is closed. Please call be between 8AM and 5PM Monday through Friday.” <Click>
Customer: It’s 3PM on a Friday afternoon. We are in the Eastern Time Zone. And they are closed?
Me: Probably just an error in their system. I will call back into the the consumer line and try to get routed behind the IVR to the commercial support staff.
Customer: Don’t bother. I will just close early, today. Let everyone have an extra couple of hours for their weekend. Invoice C****** for your time, today. I’m not paying you for their screw up.
Me: I understand your thought process on this, as I’ve been there, myself. But C****** did not call me. You did. I’ve been here an hour and a half. I started by troubleshooting and identifying the issue was not with your equipment and such. I have delivered service to you in identifying the issue was with an external service provider.
VoIP Desk Phone rings. Customer answers it.
Customer: Yes, that is me. … Yes, that is this address. Oh. You need to speak to the IT guy we called in to fix your s&&&. Hold on a second, let me get him or you.
Customer, handing phone over to me: Don’t forget to get their billing address. I’m not paying for this service call when the issue was their fault.
Me on phone: This is Daniel. … Yes. Thank you. I understand. … No, no, I completely understand. I will be sure to share that with the customer. … Thank you for calling and letting us know. By the way, you may want to check the IVR for the commercial support line. It’s only 3PM, but was telling us they were closed and to call be between 8 and 5 on week days.
Me to customer: The problem you have had with your internet being offline, this afternoon is because your check bounced. They have, as a courtesy because of my relationship with them, re-enabled your service until noon on Monday. Your bill will need to be paid, with either cash at one of their stores, via a successful ACH transfer or through a credit card to continue service. As this was an outage caused by you and not them, I will be invoicing you. No checks, please.