Ring! Ring!
Me: I.T. Department, this is Daniel.
Caller: Hey, Dan! This is Tommy. We met at a networking thing a few weeks ago.
Me: Great, Thanks for calling, Tommy. How can I help you?
Tommy: Well, I’m kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I really need my laptop back.
Me: Uhm, Tommy. I don’t have your laptop.
Tommy: Oh, I have it. It’s just been taken over by … I don’t know what. Or by whom!
Me: Ahh. OK. Now I understand. Can you share with me what you believe might have opened your machine up to being taken over?
Tommy: Well … I think it might have been my nephew. I don’t think that guy from Microsoft did anything bad to it.
Me (chuckling): Let me guess. The Microsoft guy said your machine was infected and they wanted remote control to fix it?
Tommy: Yeah. Pretty much. Was that a bad thing to do?
Me: as you just said, ‘Yeah. Pretty much.’
Tommy: So … what do I do, now?
Me: Is this a work laptop or just a computer you use for schoolwork and personal stuff?
Tommy: Both. I run my business from it and I also do personal stuff on it, too. I know you have said in the past that it’s better to have two machines, but I don’t have the money for that. So I just use separate logins.
Me: OK, Tommy. Let’s arrange for me to get your laptop, at least overnight.
Tommy: What are you going to do with it?
Me: I’m going to start by taking a full backup of it. Then I’m going to log into each of your profiles, clearing out anything the guy NOT form Microsoft might have installed. Then I’m going to remove any spyware, viruses, malware and such from the system.
Tommy: And you need it overnight, just for that?
Me: Yes, Tommy, I do. Depending upon how many files you have and the speed of the machine, it may take longer to complete the scans for viruses, and such. Sometimes I must do five or six scans, until I get clean results with no bugs found.
Tommy: Hell! How many viruses do you think I have?
Me: Tommy, I have no idea. I will need to get the machine on my bench to even start trying to discern that number.
Tommy: And how much is this going to cost me?
Me: If you supply your own USB drive to backup the system to, thenit’s a standard system clean and tune-up which is only $80.
Tommy: $80!
Me: Yes, sir. It may take me an hour or it may take me 7 or 8 hours. But it is a flat $80.
Tommy: Naw, man. Thanks, anyway. I can get it cleaned up by one of those guys on Craigslist for half that price.
Me: OK.
Tommy: You are just too expensive, man. I won’t pay that.
Me: OK.
Tommy: What? You are not going to meet me half way, or anything?
Me: Nope! I told what I charge for this service. That is my rate. If you want a lower rate, bring 5 more with you that need the same service. I can do all 6 at the same time.
Tommy: And how much would THAT be?
Me: For all 6? $360.
Tommy: That’s not less! That is …. 6 times as much!
Me: Tommy, you bring me 6 laptops and ask me to me to perform a clean and tune on all of them, I will charge you $60 for each machine. That is a total of $360.
Tommy: I know I can get it done for less.
Me: OK. Go get it done by someone else for less.
Tommy: Man you must not want more business.
Me: No, Tommy. You have it wrong. I want to keep my business. That means I need to charge both a fair AND a profitable rate for my time, tools and services.
Tommy: Why do you have to make a profit off the pain and loss of others?
Me: Tommy, I deliver a service. A service based upon skills you do not have, or you would not be calling me.
Tommy: But, really? How valuable are your skills when I can find a kid down the street to do it, just as well?
Me: Tommy, I have customers who pay more for the same service, because they KNOW from experience that the ‘kid down the street’ does not and cannot deliver the same job as I do.
Tommy: *&^$ you, man! I won …
<CLICK!>
My rent is important, but not so important I have to listen to that garbage.