Ring! Ring!
Me: IT Department, this is Daniel.
Caller: Do you fix networks?
Me: Yes, I do. What is the issue with your network?
Caller: I’ve got a notification from Comcast about illegal downloads. But no one here is doing any downloads at 2 in the morning. How much will it cost to fix my network?
Me: I’m uncertain, as I don’t know the cause. It may be something as simple changing a few settings in an existing firewall or it may be as complex as redesigning your network security model.
Caller: Well … can you just make it good enough to stop Comcast from turning us off?
Me: Uhm … ‘good enough’ is not necessarily right way to do it. This is a security issue. If people are using your internet to download illegal movies and such, then they are probably inside your private network. That puts all of your information and your customer’s information at risk, too.
Caller: Look, I don’t give a damn about any of that. You computer people are just as bad as car mechanics and doctors. Too damned expensive for too little value. I’m a small business. I don’t have the time to argue with you about what is right and wrong. I just want this fixed. I can’t stay open if Comcast turns off my internet access.
Me: OK. I understand. What do you do, as this small business?
Caller: My wife and daughter do medical transcription and I do taxes.
Me: Wait a moment, please. You do taxes, with all that personal financial information about your clients? And your wife and daughter do medical transcription, where they have the medical information about other people? And you are not concerned about network security? You do not care about HIPPA regulations? Or the rules from the IRS about cyber security requirements as a tax preparer?
Caller: I’m too small for the government to notice. And I’m a veteran. My wife is, too. My son in law is deployed, right now. It’s not like they’ve had issue with us in the last 12 years. Why would they care, now?
Me: WOW! You know what one of the best aspects of being self-employed is?
Caller: No. What is that?
Me: Being able to decide who to take on as a client. And you are just a hot mess of legal issues waiting to fall on you like a ton of bricks. I think you need to find someone else to fix your networking issues. Have a good day.
Caller: Bu …
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